How to respond to passive-aggressive comments

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Mandy Oaklander | October 14, 2026     Once a week, my colleague Angela Haupt tackles a different communications question in her series, TIME to Talk. Today, she took on passive-aggressive comments, which can be tricky to handle. Should you accept them at face value? Call out the sarcasm? Turns out, there’s a best way to proceed. Later in this edition, Angela explains exactly what to say. TODAY’S TOPICS A phrase to keep in your back pocket Are these supplements worth the hype? What to say to a passive-aggressive person Why we ignore warning signs         QUICK CHAT Not every question deserves an answer I recently spoke with Brook McKenzie, a family-dynamics expert, who introduced me to a phrase I immediately wanted to steal: “I'm not going to discuss that with you right now.” That's it. No elaborate explanation, no scrambling to defend yourself. He told me that hundreds of families have found those few words liberating. Naturally, I wanted to know why. —Angela Haupt, Editor, Health & Wellness This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity. Wong Yu Liang—Getty Images Why do we feel so obligated to answer a question just because someone asks? Sometimes I feel obligated to answer a question simply because it was asked. I have this need to respond, when the best response might actually be, “I'm not comfortable discussing that with you,” or “I'm not going to discuss that with you right now.” When is it appropriate to use that phrase? I've used it with families and partners affected by addiction. Sometimes someone will try to pull you into an argument about something completely unrelated to the issue you're discussing. You don't have to go there. You can simply say, “I'm not going to discuss that with you right now.” Does something that simple really work? I've had hundreds of families tell me that this simple response has changed their lives or changed their family dynamics. It helps free them from those circular, argumentative conversations. So the goal isn't necessarily to win the argument? Exactly. You get to decide what you will and won't discuss. You don't have to keep participating in a conversation that's going nowhere.         SPONSORED Turn your expertise into working software Describe what you want to build Get real software, not a prototype Lovable handles payments, logins, databases Change any detail yourself, any time Put it in front of customers this week Get $5 off Lovable Discount of $5 applies to first month of any paid plan. You need to sign up via this webpage in order to claim the discount. The discount applies to new and returning users without an active paid plan. Terms apply.         WORTH THE HYPE? Taking a closer look at a pair of common supplements Evgeniia Siiankovskaia—Getty Images Vitamin D and calcium are often prescribed to support bone health as people age. The theory is that since vitamin D helps the body absorb calcium, the nutrients could help reduce falls and bone fragility. However, a major review from earlier this year found strong evidence that neither of the supplements, taken together or separately, made a difference in people’s fracture risk. The verdict: If you’ve been taking these supplements to help prevent fractures, be sure to talk to your doctor for their latest evidence-based advice. —Veronique Greenwood, Staff Writer         SPONSORED Your K-Cups Sat in a Warehouse for Months Grocery store pods spend months going factory → warehouse → truck → shelf, losing the flavor oils that make coffee taste like coffee. Angelino's roasts, packs, and ships within days — 50+ flavors, compatible with Keurig®, from 39¢ a cup. New customers save 15%, no code needed. Try Fresh-Roasted Pods         TIME TO TALK The best way to respond to passive-aggressive comments Photo-Illustration by TIME (Source Image: Francesco Carta fotografo/Getty Images) Have you ever left work at 5 p.m., only for a colleague to ask, “Going home already?” The words leave room for an innocent interpretation. The tone? Not so much. Give them a chance to be direct Try: “I’m not sure how you meant that. Can you say it another way?” Or, with someone close: “I feel like something’s off. Do you want to talk about it?” If it keeps happening, stop guessing Set a clear limit: “I’m willing to have difficult conversations with you. I’m not willing to keep guessing what you mean.” Read the full story here.         SPONSORED Is your company shaping the future? TIME100 Most Influential Companies 2027 entries are now open. Every year, TIME asks what it means for a company to be influential. Every year, the answer changes. With expanded recognition opportunities to celebrate influence across industries, impact initiatives, and, for the first time, workplace innovation, there are more ways than ever to stand out. Submit your company.          WHAT WE’RE READING In a moving essay for TIME, Dr. Raj Panjabi explores why he didn’t recognize the signs of his daughter's heart failure. What actually happens during embalming? Madeleine Aggeler at the Guardian goes behind the scenes with the professionals who prepare bodies for their final goodbyes. Helen Branswell, a prominent infectious disease reporter for STAT News, died yesterday at age 69 from cancer, STAT reports.       More Newsletters from Click to sign up. THE BRIEF +D.C. BRIEF +FUTURE PROOF +INSIDE TIME +IN THE LOOP +WORTH YOUR TIME + Subscribe to TIME Email us: healthmatters@time.com Received this from a friend? Sign up here Connect with TIME PRIVACY POLICY   © 2026 TIME USA, LLC. All rights reserved. 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How infections can cause cancer—and what can help

Plus: the kind of music that can act as pain relief  ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌

Mandy Oaklander | October 13, 2026     We often think of cancer as a result of genetic predispositions, certain lifestyle choices, and bad luck. But another factor that gets less attention also plays a role: pathogens. Viruses and bacteria can sometimes lead to cancer, and a recent report from the World Health Organization (WHO) explores how many new cancer cases worldwide are caused by infections. My colleague Veronique Greenwood explains which infections are linked to cancer—and what people can do to lower their risk. TODAY’S TOPICS Help! There’s a bat in my house Can music ease your pain? A virus linked to cancer (and more) Bedbugs on a plane         PLEASE ADVISE Here’s a great question we received from a reader: A bat has flown into my house. How can I safely get it out—and how do I know whether anyone in my family needs rabies shots, especially if we were asleep when it appeared? Rapeepong Puttakumwong—Getty Images Your first instinct might be to usher your winged visitor out the window. Not so fast: The bat will likely need to be tested for rabies. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention urges people who find a bat in their house to immediately contact animal control or their local health department and not to release it. These professionals can safely capture and test it. Never touch a bat (especially not with bare hands). Knowing whether you were bitten isn’t always straightforward. “Bat teeth are so small that a bite can leave no mark and cause no pain,” says Dr. Shannon Markus, an emergency physician in Austin. If you woke up with a bat in your room or found one with an unattended young child, contact your health department promptly to assess possible exposure. Not everyone in the house necessarily needs shots; the circumstances and the bat’s test results matter. If anyone was bitten or scratched, wash the area with soap and water and get medical help right away. If treatment is recommended, “it’s not the old ‘20 shots in the stomach’ myth,” Markus says. For someone who hasn’t previously been vaccinated, treatment generally involves rabies immune globulin, which provides protective antibodies, and four vaccine doses over two weeks. If the bat tests negative for rabies, you can likely avoid those shots. –Angela Haupt, Editor, Health & Wellness Got a health question of your own? Send it our way to healthmatters@time.com, and we might tackle it in a future edition.         SPONSORED Stop Drowning In AI Information Overload Your inbox is flooded with newsletters. Your feed is chaos. Somewhere in that noise are the insights that could transform your work—but who has time to find them? The Deep View solves this. We read everything, analyze what matters, and deliver only the intelligence you need. No duplicate stories, no filler content, no wasted time. Just the essential AI developments that impact your industry, explained clearly and concisely. Replace hours of scattered reading with five focused minutes. While others scramble to keep up, you'll stay ahead of developments that matter. 600,000+ professionals at top companies have already made this switch. Join them today, for free.         TODAY I LEARNED The types of music that can relieve pain Alberto Case—Getty Images Not any old song will do. In a fascinating new study I recently covered for TIME, people were poked by a needle as part of a medical procedure and asked how much pain they felt, while music played in the background. Two types of songs rose above the rest. —Jeffrey Kluger, Editor at Large         SPONSORED 1,000+ Claude Prompts Top Professionals Actually Use at Work Claude can be your analyst, editor, and strategist. But most professionals are using it to fix grammar. These 1,000+ Claude prompts take it from grammar tool to your most powerful AI work assistant. Sign up for Superhuman AI and get: 1,000+ ready-to-use Claude prompts to get real work done in minutes — researched, tested, and used by professionals at Google, Microsoft, and NASA Superhuman AI newsletter (4 min daily) so you keep learning new AI tools and skills to stay ahead in your career — the prompts are just the beginning Claim your free prompts         QUICK CHAT You’ve probably had this cancer-linked virus Viruses and other pathogens can contribute to developing cancer, even years after you first get infected. A recent study I wrote about for TIME finds that 12% of new cancer cases in 2024 were linked to infections.  I spoke to Lawrence Young, a leading researcher in the study of Epstein-Barr virus (EBV), which causes mononucleosis—and, in some people, cancer—about the progress scientists have made in learning how this virus works. —V.G. This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity. A computer illustration of Epstein-Barr virus (EBV). Kateryna Kon/Science Photo Library—Getty Images Tell me about EBV. Even after we recover from mono—or glandular fever, as it’s called in the U.K.—it stays in the body for life? The virus is very, very clever. 95% of the world's population is infected. This is the most common persistent virus infection in all human communities. It hides in our bodies, in our memory B cells. In most of us, our bodies can more or less control it, although most will have a little bit of virus in our throats throughout our lives because it's being produced there, and virus in our blood. But in some people, it can result in cancer. And the other danger is it can also drive autoimmunity. That's a big interest at the moment, now that the association of EBV with multiple sclerosis has been firmed up, and we know the virus is a driver to that disease. It also appears to be a driver to systemic lupus erythematosus and some cases of Long COVID and ME/CFS, for reasons we don’t yet understand. There are vaccines now being explored? Yes.The vaccine issue is complicated because there are two ways you could use a vaccine. One is, you could boost the immune response in individuals with disease for a therapy for either MS or patients being treated for EBV-associated cancer. And the other side of it is, could you completely prevent EBV infection? But the complication here is EBV is so efficient at infecting us and establishing this latent, long-term, persistent infection that sterilizing immunity to completely prevent infection is going to be challenging.         SPONSORED Is your company shaping the future? TIME100 Most Influential Companies 2027 entries are now open. Every year, TIME asks what it means for a company to be influential. Every year, the answer changes. With expanded recognition opportunities to celebrate influence across industries, impact initiatives, and, for the first time, workplace innovation, there are more ways than ever to stand out. Submit your company.          WHAT WE’RE READING As if flying weren't stressful enough, bedbugs grounded a Qantas plane in Rome. ABC News Australia explains how the pests end up on airplanes—and what travelers can do to protect themselves.   Institutionalized mental health care is “outdated” and “a human rights issue hiding in plain sight,” write Anura Kumara Dissanayake and Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus for TIME. Jessica Glenza at the Guardian explains how the U.S. health care system will change dramatically on Jan. 1 when work requirements kick in for Medicaid recipients.       More Newsletters from Click to sign up. THE BRIEF +D.C. BRIEF +FUTURE PROOF +INSIDE TIME +IN THE LOOP +WORTH YOUR TIME + Subscribe to TIME Email us: healthmatters@time.com Received this from a friend? Sign up here Connect with TIME PRIVACY POLICY   © 2026 TIME USA, LLC. All rights reserved. TIME Customer Service, P.O. Box 37508 Boone, IA 50037-0508, United States Unsubscribe