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Recently, my husband decided to cut all the bad stuff out of his diet and replace it with more virtuous foods. He settled on the Mediterranean diet, which is one of the most research-backed eating plans for better health and packed with produce, fish, and whole grains. |
Good for him! Bad for our food-prep bandwidth—or so I thought. The Mediterranean diet sounded like too much chopping, until I read my colleague Kari Sonde’s new piece on the least painful ways to start the famous eating plan. One dietitian told her there’s no shame in leaning heavily on your fridge, freezer, and pantry for the ingredients—even the ones I assumed had to be fresh to get the benefits. |
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TODAY’S TOPICS |
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QUICK CHAT |
Go ahead, disappoint them |
When I interviewed therapist Alison McKleroy about coping mantras recently, our conversation took an unexpected turn into people-pleasing. McKleroy described herself as a “recovering people pleaser,” and what she said about learning to set boundaries—and surviving other people’s reactions to them—was so relatable. |
I asked her to share a few lessons from the other side. —Angela Haupt, Editor, Health & Wellness |
This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity. |
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ariya j—Getty Images |
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You call yourself a “recovering people pleaser.” What makes breaking that pattern so hard? |
When you’ve been a people pleaser, breaking that pattern requires a lot of bravery. You’re choosing to lean into the fire of discomfort when you’ve been avoiding it your whole life. You set a boundary, the other person is displeased, you feel bad and guilty—and then your brain says, “I feel bad, so I must have done something wrong.” |
What do you tell yourself when that guilt kicks in? |
“Just because this doesn’t feel good doesn’t mean I did anything wrong.” Another one is, “Their reaction isn’t mine to manage.” Or, “I can disappoint someone and still be OK.” Those reminders can help when you feel tempted to backtrack and remove the boundary because someone else doesn’t like it. |
Should you expect some people to dislike your new boundaries? |
Yes. When you’ve been a people pleaser and people have loved your lack of boundaries, once you start having some, there’s a pretty good chance they’re not going to like it. They were benefiting from the old dynamic. Their negative reaction can make you feel like you did something wrong, when actually you may simply be doing something new and uncomfortable. |
Has setting boundaries gotten easier for you personally? |
Oh, yes. I’m on the other side of it now, and setting boundaries feels so free and liberating that I almost feel like someone should stop me. I’m like, “Wow, maybe I’ve gone too far.” At school they’ll ask, “Could you help?” and I’m like, “No, I can’t.” It’s very comfortable now. |
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TODAY I LEARNED |
September is the new January |
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Photo-Illustration by TIME (Source Images: Isabel Pavia—Getty Images, Marinela Malcheva—Getty Images, Zinkevych/Getty Images) |
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People usually set resolutions in January, but could September actually be the better time for new goals? My social media feeds have been full of people talking about a September reset—and color me convinced. |
With summer travels coming to an end, new school routines beginning, and the seasons shifting, there is a newness in the air that feels, dare I say, motivating. Plus, studies have shown that people are more energetic and in better moods in the summer compared to winter, so it might be easier to start a new challenge and stick to it. I guess it’s time for me to kickstart that new exercise routine that I’ve been thinking about. – Dominique Mosbergen, Health Correspondent |
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WHAT WE’RE READING |
Ohio has seen the biggest drop of any state of people signing up for health insurance through Affordable Care Act marketplaces. Now, insurance costs are expected to rise even more, Marty Schladen writes for the Ohio Capital Journal. Why are so many grown-ups getting back into Lego? George Francis Lee at the Guardian meets the adults finding creativity, calm, and new friends one brick at a time. Older people aren’t injured by motor vehicles at a greater rate than younger ones, but they’re more likely to die. Paula Span for KFF Health News explores why.
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